We are bitches. If you don’t like us or what we have to say (and we guarantee, many of you wont), you can leave now. We are going to bitch, moan, complain, rant, and pretty much tear anyone or thing a new one. Don’t mess with us because you’ll be the subject of our next post (that’s a guarantee as well).
We are here to have a good time and we hope you are too. At some point you are going to be offended. We’d say sorry, but we don’t feel like we should. Each post is also about us, for every thing someone does that is crazy, dorky, bitchy we are guilty as well. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the site and learn to love us. Drop us a line via our contact page, facebook, or twitter.
A little about each of us:
Bitch1
Bitch1 or @btchygirls. Aka Queen Bee
I am most likely known by close friends and family as an opinionated, loving, drama queen, who is very loyal (to those I approve of), and sassy as all hell. I must warn you all, that I may bite your f*cking hand off if…. you f*ck with me, my family, or friends, wear clothes that went out of style circa 1986, or try to come over for an impromptu “playdate” with a G-d damn picnic basket. Oh, if you take a f*cking picture of me and post it without my approval, you better lock your doors at night.
Ciao bitches. XOXO
Bitch 3
Bitch2 or @btchygrl2 Aka ADD Mom From Multitasking Hell
Those who’ve known me for a short time, say I’m funny as f*ck at the craziest moments, sensitive (overly), and love to act like I’m still 12. Talking to me while I have all three kids running around is kind of like talking to “The Blob” from Gigglesnort Hotel. But, of course, I’m always good to the ones I love.
The ones who are lucky enough to have known me for decades will most likely say that I’m a bundle of energy (something like a ten year old after she’s downed two pounds of pixie stix), loving, sweet, and very blunt. Of course, I’m famous in my circles for making people pee their pants. Sometimes I laugh at times of despair (funerals included), can be a bit vain at times, especially since I’m getting older. I won’t even go to the end of the driveway without lipstick on. I seem to look in the mirror a lot more, trying to determine how much poison (re: botox), I’ll need to pump into my face.
My two cents: DO NOT leave your child’s ADD medication in plain sight!
Looking forward to showering you b*tches with love…
Bitch 2
Bitch 2 or, wait, I don’t do twitter, Aka TT.
TT isn’t my real name. Hell, those aren’t even my real initials. You see, I’m going to stay as anonymous as possible. When I look around, I realize that all the people in my little f*cked up world are the very kind of people we three b*tches quip about! In fact, I think I’m a dork quite often. Bitch 1 has told me on numerous occasions how f*cked up my hair or outfit is, only not in such kind words. I’m no fashionista; just the other day I was sporting a running jacket and jeweled cork heels. I’m incessantly trying to stay thin, fit, and youthful. Running 10 miles to achieve that is easier than hiding a muffin top with corsets, girdles, and other sausage casing clothing. I still think I’m 17 and wear the clothes to prove it: bikinis, cheer shorts, and 2 ponytails. The wrinkles on my face reveal that I have, in fact, endured many years of smiling, laughing, and frowning.
I don’t get people who are running around in clothes that don’t fit and look like shit. The same people usually add salt to the wound by hosting scrapbooking and tupperware parties, or an anual cookie exchange (sans alcohol, mind you). They can’t be for real! Do you think they have handcuffs and dildos under their pillows because they can’t possibly be so dorky 24/7? I see all sorts of fucked up stuff around me. Stuff I can’t wait to type away on my laptop and deliver to you like a yummy cupcake in a glittery box to sweeten your day! Cheers!
How this all began…
Ok, most of you want to know HTF we came up with the idea to create B*tches in the Burbs. It all started with JJ and RR awake at night with a lot on their minds and no one to call. But wait, RR was on chat! As long as we’ve been friends, we don’t go on chat. As it turned out we were both in a mood and ready to b*tch and gossip. It went back and forth until 2:30 in the morning, laughing so hard, RR actually did fall off the couch at one point. The subject matter was so funny and we soon realized that our back and forth banter was literally becoming therapy!
We just got plain nutty when we came up with our first brilliant idea: to arrange fights between moms against moms. After we came down from our babbling high, we realized that it would probably be a poor choice to set up cock fights between moms. We may get in just a little trouble! So we nixed that plan and went on to making up acronyms for everything we hate and had the other person guess what it was. We became quite good at deciphering each others “codes”… we were starting with SLPWOB-southern living party without booze…and the ever popular SLCLBPWOB-Southern Living Candlelight Bunco party w/ out booze….and on and on until the next day……JJ immediately called with the amazing news that we would be starting a FB page! But wait, that wasn’t good enough! JJ decided to go full force and we specifically chose who else could match our level of b*tchiness, called them up, of course they were totally psyched about it, and off we went! Even dragging our *sses the next day, we got so excited to see how people would react to such craziness. However, we realized that we really can’t just rant and rave, we actually have to consider peoples feelings….duh….being a B*tchy Girl doesn’t go hand in hand with being a Mean Girl. So we decided it would be daily blogs and random things that pop up into our constantly buzzing brains. All the stuff we talk about on a daily basis and b*tch and complain about is actually really funny! So instead of keeping to ourselves…we decided it would be such a brilliant idea to share with all of you. B*tchy Girls out there… hugs to you !!
